4.30.2001

the boy sitting next to me is becoming more and more appealing. why am i so fucking boy crazy? it's starting to bug even me..but what can i say? i love me the mens!
i'm in the process of setting up my blog at waferbaby..hell yeah, i'm in the big leagues now!

4.28.2001

aaaggggg boredom is striking hard!!
my head is pounding in pain and thought. it's slow and i can look out the door to the sunlit outdoors. perfect.
i bought tickets to the coldplay show in june. there's a list of a few people i'd like to share the other ticket and experience with. the tickets were a rip off but it's coldplay and who knows if they'll ever come back.
lately something has been getting me down and i have yet to face all of it. like in the great gatsby...part of me is against the current heading towards the future.
i'm going to go read a book.
currently spinning: fountains of wayne: troubled times
last night at the midtown show i met the most amazing guy. to say he was hot is not all i should say...there was something about him dancing to the sadies in that smoky room and making pouty faces when i smiled about it. nothing as sexy as having to whisper to an almost stranger (friend of a friend of a friend) and placing my lips as close to his ear as possible.
currently spinning: the sadies: milk and scissors

4.26.2001

my hands smell like yellow play doh.
currently spinning: ash: cherry bomb

4.24.2001

feeling like this (written earlier):
i'm bored as fuck
and there's still time left
jesus jesus jesus
i want a cat named
pitty sing
and all the kids
would laugh like me
when they weren't supposed to
a paperclip is a cool toy
and it's free and fun as fuck
i'm bored
my shirt is purple
and the bell will ring
please ring
the fire drill today wasn't as fun
(as it should have been)
and i've got the giggles
during eighth
b/c the damn bell won't ring
i'm done as fuck
isn't it strange how people in life eventually fade away until there is only a small piece of them?
i'm a lazy bum. the thought of working sends me into a spiral of frustration. whatever happened to simple summers?
lately i've realized that a lot of teachers don't like me and i can't quite understand why. i talk a lot but not enough to piss anyone off. i swear...i've been royally snapped at like, five times this semester.
the fucking champs tomorrow!
currently spinning: modest mouse: perfect disguise

4.23.2001

i might ask him out.
man oh man, i've been gone quite a while, haven't i? spent the weekend in dallas and got back tired as hell. i got a well needed nine and a half hour sleep last night. bliss, pure bliss.
someone has been hurting me and i feel surrounded by prison bars of the black and white excuses blearing in gray puddles. it's not that simple.
"i do not want to and cannot be your friend..."
currently spinning: radiohead:subterranean homesick alien

4.18.2001

i wondered today about exactly what freshmen do when they skip all day....most of them don't have licenses/cars unless they are part of the small population of repeating 9th graders. i know one of them and it makes me a little sad, b/c he rocks my world with the exception he's turning into a loser. i like him.
american high is on!
i've got this philosophy called the american teenage experience and it's pretty bitchin'. a psychic once told my mom that i'd be a good philosopher. could you see it?
currently spinning: american high theme by the bouncing souls
this day just keeps dragging on. i am so ready to sleep but there are so many commitments today.
sometimes it's time to just let go. although it's tough, why should i still carry the list of unfullfilled happiness?
good park weather outside today, i wish i could have dropped everything and skipped seventh and eighth to go see the new christian slater!
currently spinning: incubus: i miss you

4.17.2001

i think the harmonica needs to be more respected. it has this special something about it.
currently spinning: gorillaz: clint eastwood

4.16.2001

i miss her.
this guy once told me he wouldn't hang out with me if my weird friends were there. that was a mean thing to say. as far as weird goes none of them are weird.
i took time today to pity myself...which is both good and bad. i cried a little. i dunno, some things just don't seem to be fitting together like i imagine they should.
summer is here already. it was like, ninety degrees today. i stayed air conditioned though but i really longed for barton springs.awww.
currently spinning: at the drive-in: transatlantic foe

4.15.2001

i'm going to ben's house to watch him fold clothes.
ironically "priorities intact" has been shuffled on again. i should get the tabs to this. i wish i was watching back to the future right now, micheal j. fox is awesome.
i've realized just now i think everything is awesome. oh well.
i think i have a hard time doing what i like...or being motivated. it sucks, i almost feels like motivation doesn't exist sometimes for me. this music is making me all melancholy. i started learning how to play this song once because it's beauty through music. beauty captured, wrapping around the soul of the pianist, the audience, the being.
currently spinning: beethoven: moonlight sonata
i've been blaring "priorities intact" by the impossibles all day because it makes me happy. today is hot and i just went for a walk outside. i've felt lazy all weekend...probably b/c i've stayed up past three o'clock for the past two nights. having fun but regardless. ben spent the night on friday b/c my mom went out of town. he didn't mack on me, we just watched when harry met sally and freaked out over a roach. fucking freaky. hehe. other than that we imitated teenage airheads. and last i went to emo's to see mu330 and lawrence arms. awesome awesome show. i saw some hot hardcore guys last night. lots of mohawks, an argyle sweater vest, and wolf hair.
currently spinning: further seems forever: pictures of shorelines

4.13.2001

sometimes i hate saying no
last night johnny and i went to some benefit concert and it rocked my world. recover, cruiserweight, meanest capacity..aaaaahhh, so cool. my goal in life is to be a dancer for a band, you know like the mighty mighty bosstones dude, and i'd play the random ass percussion, like cowbells and tamborines. or i could be like that hardcore keyboard guy in the get up kids....
rory from the impossibles did a little guest vocal-age in one recover song, oh man most hardcore emo moment, rolling on the floor both mics knocked over. damn
currently spinning: schatzi: song for stephanie
wednesday was s.a.t. prep day! whoo. a kid was chewin' tabacky in front of me during class. i swear he spit like every five seconds, little piss ant spits. and then as teacher left the rest of the table dipped too, and the whole time i'm thinking, "people still do this? what the hell!?" it pisses me off to throw in this ironic note b/c it adds to the texas hick stereotype. really they're just dumb asses.

4.11.2001

this guy's voice has a nice sound, like under the waves on the equator, smooth and tropical fresh. ben's voice is like pears playing at your tastebuds. johnny's voice at night is honey dripping slowly, rich and gold.
i seem to live in stages. friend with boys, friends with girls. lonesome and quiet sometimes, a missing point to place both feet in one world. a guy on the drag sells pictures made of raw pastels, creamy sliding into togetherness.
i wish i was going to prom. the sexy feeling of hands and fingers holding my waist. i tried to give up looking, but part of me, i think, always moves, always looks. acoustic guitars play me into the disappearing sun. i can't help but smile when i look forlorn. tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow. i try to take my courage w/ me.

4.09.2001

oo oo actual dialog
mom: where's your hot chocolate?
me: i drank it.
mom: i know, where's the glass?
me: i put it in the dishwasher.
mom: oh, kelly...you're wonderful.
me: i know.
i just saw chocolat...awwww. chocolate and men and dancing. i love romantic movies. faint parisian and irish accents. accents are really sexy. i go for the slightly southern (i kind of have it), scottish and australian. i guess it's me and my dreams of dancing into the night.
currently spinning:gershwin: the man i love

4.08.2001

may sound dorky but whenever i see that lifehouse music video, i really want a rockstar boyfriend. they're not even hardcore. oh well.
i actually read some of harry potter when i was babysitting last night. it wasn't that great, i'd pobably read it if i were extremely bored or had an assload of time on my hands.
oo oo, my may horoscope says my lucky love day in the fifth, which is senior prom...not that i'm invited...yet. hahaha
i went thrift shopping yesterday with some people. hit thrift town and got a purple blue bell shirt for a dollar. tres chic! johnny got a "texans love the price is right" shirt and i made ben by an indie rock jacket and fuzzy beige shirt. glenn was there, too. he supposedly has a thing for me but i dunno, he was too busy hitting on this mannequin. it was a pretty nice afternoon for wandering aimlessly around.
currently spinning: goldfinger: is she really going out with him?
i had a dream my daddy died.

4.05.2001

i studied for about three hours today, off and on, with johnny. he's been my best friend since summer and i've kind of lost him to his girlfriend. so time together means a lot to me. i sat around at his house while he played his cream colored fender telecaster. i realized tonight how lucky he is to have the parents he does. they seem to get him what he loves and i think that's important. he once told me that a person can have five important drives or responsibilities to keep them balanced in life, no more, no less. i don't think i have enough.
currently spinning: pedro the lion: the longer i lay here

4.04.2001

it amazes me how clueless people are some times. "what does pompous mean?" i just came from my sat prep class and ooh, i'm at a seven ten verbal today. it's late and of course i'm working on some project i hadn't even started...look at me procrastinate more.
i hate to write about guys now b/c i do it everyday. i think i threw off the specialness factor. but here is a special one. sometimes when you enter highschool, people you knew start to ignore you in the halls. (hey, i did it too.) but not john. we didn't even know each other very well, but every time i see him i get a smile. a smile that means a lot to me. he's a sweetheart and someday i'll tell him. before he goes away.
"it seems it's been so long since we kissed through the night till it was dawn."
currently spinning: alkaline trio: sorry about that
written yesterday too late to drag my lazy arse out of bed: tonight was the first night of frogs, creaking, singing, growling through the throats, rolling through the grassy humid night air. the hum of a fan a background chorus. i opened the window to answer the breeze knocking to come in. and then - lay nude, sheets strewn aside. eighty degrees and hot.
currently spinning: stephen malkmus: phantasies

4.03.2001

this is kaosboy. step by step, really want you in my worrrrrrrlllllllllddddddddd. drive me wiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllllllld. oh babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

4.02.2001

there's something about a starry night.
it's seventy outside and the breeze is creeping into the house. i feel amazing, like rainy summer days. outside in the world. something showering you in love. the dark is simple and free and sexy.
tattooed by permanent marker, memories of last night.
currently spinning: better than ezra: at the stars
i'm picking colors for my summer bikini, how girly is that? school wasn't that great today. c'mon what do you expect for a monday after daylight savings time? i swear every period, i could have nodded off. school should end. there's no point for it now...they lost us after spring break.
the senior talent show was friday. i got to see some fine manliness up on stage. acoustic is good. i think i've said that before. it's one of my favorite sounds. simple strumming so emotional.
currently spinning: alkaline trio: bye bye love
a friend of mine kissed a guy i went on a date with. i feel weird about that. i can't really explain why, b/c i don't like him like that but still. sometimes i'm sick of pursuing.
i hung out with ben today. we stayed in his dorm listening to music and talking. then a candy run to the grocery stores. let's see...i got a hershey's bar and a baby ruth. aww yeah. it was kind gross to notice old people checking me out. ben protected my ass from the onlookers though, pretending to be my boyfriend. hahaha.
mmm hmm.
currently spinning: built to spill: you were right