5.31.2001

swim swim swim, i went swimming today. i think it will be a cool summer in texas standards...we keep getting cold fronts and rain, taking us down to a comfortable ninety degrees. my hair is still half damp from the falls and the other half is slightly curly.
cristina is an amazing amazing girl and i feel so lucky to have her as a friend. she means the world to me, part of the super crew that helps me out. think captain planet and the planeteers...except i'm not saying they're all below me. we're this team of world avengers. and she rocks it like no other.
currently spinning: ozma: no one needs to know

5.30.2001

dude, nothing passes time like watching music videos. i love my life!
Dave Dutch: i'm sorry, for threatening to bitch slap you and requesting a sandwich
Dave Dutch: but seriously make me a hoagie or something
Dave Dutch: so how has your lazy summer day been?
Dave Dutch: since you live in texas you probably sit on the porch fanning yourself drinking lemonade
Dave Dutch: i've never been to texas or known anyone from there
Dave Dutch: but thats how i picture everyone proper lady
greenkiss: hahaha
greenkiss: yeah that's how i spend my summer...in front of my house, a 19th century plantation home with wicker rocking chairs, drinking real lemonade

5.29.2001

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . .and eyes big love-crumbs,
and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you so quite new
- e.e. cummings

i like to look at pictures of strangers and see their eyes become familiar.
currently spinning: stage fright: drift away
man, i've got some awesome professors at acc. goverment and economic actually do sound interesting. damn. my econ. teachermade fun of republicans and democrats and then started dancing to and singing yankee doodle dandy . it's gonna be a fun five and a half weeks.
currently spinning: rich creamy paint: fallen star
can't..find...green album...
johnny and i were watching dead poet's tonight. i wish i could find open eyed innocence for the world like he does. after an hour of keating, he said, " i don't think i can sleep tonight. i have to write."
pedernales falls. absolutely stunning on this fine memorial day. emily took us hiking to arrowhead pool, which is made up of cold springs streaming into bath tubs of water to bath tubs of water ending in beautiful teal pond. literally crystal clear water flowing from the inside of the earth surrounded by green ferns and tall rocks. sun, barbecue and laughs. it's a good thing.

5.27.2001

at the drive-in's video for invalid litter dept. rock.
john asked for my number!!!! i hate this giddy ass entries but what can i say? it's john! he lifeguards at the pool we went to after the impossibles show yesterday. which by the way, rocked my world in the hot texas sun. matinee show so there were no nasty drunk guys getting sweaty all over me. that's the way it is in the real world, people sweat all over your sorry ass. and then they try to touch you...in the real world.
currently spinning: midtown: just rock and roll
"there is no end. there is no beginning. there is only the infinite passion of life." federico fellini

5.25.2001

i couldn't say good bye.
currently spinning: tom petty and the heartbreakers: mary jane's last dance
i wish i had a guy friend who could bust a move like adam. damn, i see amazing similarities in our dancing patterns.
cristina and i played "your team, my team" and of course i'm rocking cause i gave her the umm, most physically attractive challenged man of the evening. it's a cruel game but it's amusing. i guess the object is to people watch and say "your team" to the other person if you see a boo fugly of the opposite sex.
i'm going to get married and my future husband and i will wear matching scarves.
johnny. pretty boy.
ben made up songs about all of us tonight (spawning out of yesterday's "kelly album") and sang them to everyone in my room. some his own chord progressions and others copies of new weezer. i think every one of the songs about me start off with "kelly/she's so smelly". oh well and for the record, it's not true. usually.
currently spinning: weezer: o girlfriend

5.24.2001

the pool is fun and now that i know he is working there...well expect some stereotypical girl swoons over lifeguard actions on my part. according to a trusted source, lifeguard's nervous body language means he might like me, too. i'm such a goof.
last night, ben and i approached a boy alone to play doodle with us. you know the old school game where one person draws a line or design and the other has to turn it into a picture. white octave (pretty indie boys) and arlo (with the raised eyebrow singer) and deathray davies(bitchin keyboard) were pretty darn cool at the river city high show (who think their the shit). rch put on an awesome mad crazy all over the place show which was entertaining.
i've got two permanent marker tattoo, one per arm, and dos equis, one per hand.
i think t.v. makes people immune to emotion. i'm trying to write about today and there's nothing. i've been ultra lounge all week b/c school is out and i too have temporarily checked out.
the shadow of the tree outside looks like a face. it's talking in the breeze with a jutting nose.
currently spinning: dashboard confessional: anyone anyone

5.22.2001

i was gonna go swimming yesterday and it was like seventy six all day which is insane for may. it was actually cold.weird weird weird. i did however, accomplish many things i had been putting off a la registering for acc for early college start (which does not make me a nerd) and picking up a paper bag for my amy's application.
it seems like the perfect day to roast hot dogs over a fire. damn i want to go camping.
currently spinning: beck: nightmare hippie girl

5.20.2001

quiche lorraine and strawberries romanoff should be part of my complete breakfast everyday.
i can't dance. i like to pretend i can and sometimes my attempts make people laugh. it's all good...making up stellar dances to the teeny bopper summer hits and disco hits from the past give me something nothing else in life can. class, pure class.
two enthusiastic thumbs up for the brand new weezer album. i skipped second period to get it at the store's opening on tuesday. i'm falling in love with every song more and more everyday. i've listened to the green album everyday this week. a couple month's ago, we had to write a letter to someone we admired for creative writing:

dear rivers-
sometimes i feel exposed. clothing and skin, muscle and bone stripped away to reveal the me beneath. sometime I sing in the car, letting music rush over me like flowing water, encasing me in a shell of emotion, blind but seeing. and sometimes a chord reminds me. progression leading to scents, frozen faces, laughter resonating softly like an afterthought. memories. music seems to take a hold of me, my ears a form of osmosis with the lyrics and i am real. i’ve been stuck in traffic with you, sung at the top of my lungs with you, and let the tears wash over the landscape of my cheek and chin with you. i’ve felt you and i thank you.

kind of out there but yeah.
btw go eat a neopolitain ice cream sandwich and watch the phantom tollbooth
in the background:british comedies and the washing machine
i had a dream i met rivers cuomo in a country house.

5.19.2001

i'm in the haze of the afternoon.
sun and water were the themes of yesterday. i spent the day at barton springs jumping into the freezing ice wall and lounging in the rays of heat. i swear, half the school was there yesterday. i saw phil and that made me happy. watching the boys play ultimate frisbee without shirts made me happy too. the sky was blue and the clouds were white and i sank into the grass on my faded beach towel in the 90 degree weather. conversations and gentle guitar song inducing me into drowsiness and forcing me to face that i'll never see some of these people again and that things aren't always going to turn out the way i want them too. i photographed what was left of the year, something frozen in time for me to remember. but it was beautiful, as all things can. and i try to see that.
the yearbooks came out yesterday, the first time they've come out before thet last day of schoolwhile i've been in high school. an oppurtunity for the serch of mullets and hilarious photos a la basham.
currently spinning: midtown: such a person
i found a little white kitty.

5.17.2001

school just keeps dragging on.
if you want the truth, i'll tell.
sometimes i'm too confident and sometimes i'm too proud. i could easily approach the boy i like and be straight up but part of me holds me back. i want to be wanted. if the boy approached me i'd probably start crying (a la birthday boy). maybe that's not carpe diem enough though.

the ultimate cd: unfinished
"i miss you" incubus
"sorry about that" alkaline trio
"so you'll aim towards the sky" grandaddy
"milk and scissors" the sadies
"rivers" weezer
"priorities intact" the impossibles
"where is my mind" the pixies
"clint eastwood" gorillaz
"candy" ash
man i am getting lazy now that everything is just winding down. i get a teaser summer between tomorrow and tuesday and then i have a final on the last day of school. how about i just puke and die?

5.15.2001

oh my god! i feel like i'm going to burst with happiness. that damn glazed over smile has almost become permanent. he hugged me! he fucking hugged me! i'm awesome and he hugged me. on weezer day! i kept jumping all over the place, smiling so big tears welled up in the sides. and that smile never left.

5.14.2001

we've got croissants and nutella.
a thousand pieces
i wish i could sit down and do everything. from my damn algebra homewrk to telling him how i felt. i get hung up and i get lost. it seems like the reign of high self esteem is dwindling. i mean, i can still say its her loss but i can't stand up and speak. it's like raw emotion that's tearing me up inside. those rectangles that end in a point.
i love you
something i said i didn't feel and i do. i need to say it. something in mesays i need to. i can't throw myself away. ben said he'd cry at my wedding. i will, too.

5.12.2001

i can say it now, i guess. despite the fact that i still have four days of class and finals (that i don't have to go to), i am a senior. i can see the world passing before me and i'm trying to run with it. there are so many things i have to adjust to, i think.
last night was band banquet. and all these good byes and good lucks. it's tough.
i fucking hate it when i tell someone i've got a crush on a guy with a girlfriend and they're like, "you know he a has a girlfriend, right?" and i say "yeah". jesus christ, it's not like i'm going to steal them. i know better than that. and it's not like i can help who i like anyway. it just happens.
currently spinning: schatzi: song for stephanie
blogger has been a fucking shit lately
anyway...carmina burana is coming. aaaahhhhh (imagine airhead making cheerleading squad)!!!!!
there are some crazy ass drivers here in austin, i swear i was almost run over three times today.
ooo, mental picture. girl in flouncy tulle skirt sprinting across urban road into oncoming traffic. maybe it's just me and the influence of the photo chemicals today or maybe it's my photographic tendency. oh man speaking of photographic tendencies, steve mccurry is a photo god. so is annie leibovitz.
currently spinning: pharcyde: passing me by
anyway...carmina burana is coming. aaaahhhhh (imagine airhead making cheerleading squad)!!!!!
there are some crazy ass drivers here in austin, i swear i was almost run over three times today.
ooo, mental picture. girl in flouncy tulle skirt sprinting across urban road into oncoming traffic. maybe it's just me and the influence of the photo chemicals today or maybe it's my photographic tendency. oh man speaking of photographic tendencies, steve mccurry posted by typographic darling at

5.09.2001

hey ali-does it make you go tee hee?
here comes the ultimate school nerd! suprisingly i got into every school organization i applied for...pal, student council cabinet and class of 2002 cabinet. i'd be lying if stuff like planning prom didn't excite me, but everyone has their weaknesses.
i think i'm gonna go mess around with some old weezer tabs on my guitar in a little while. something i've been putting off for a while. i've avoided my guitar for a long time but now that i need an outlet, it calls to me.
the school year just won't end.
currently spinning: grandaddy: jed the humanoid
natasha and i went to katz's today for lunch and split the special. both of us received half a corned beef sandwich, half a potato pancake, even amounts of sour cream and apple sauce, and half a pickle. delightful.
the a.p. exam was tough. essays about photography and nature, to analyze rhetorical strategies and style, rebuting and agreeing at eight o'clock in the morning.

5.04.2001

fly away...far away
grasping his head with coarse fingers and a damp palm, he reached over with the remaining hand to answer the unwieldy beige telephone, exhaling into the receiver “hell…o?”
“what happened to you last night?”
“what? who the…?”
and then nothing, a click and the dial tone. slowly, he sat up, removing his hand from his forehead. the phone, cradled in the heavy covers of the blanket began crying with a heavy electronic pulse.
(for english)
currently spinning: grandaddy: so you'll aim toward the sky

5.03.2001

it's silent except for the whir of my computer and clacks of my keyboard and i feel like that fits the peaceful mood i am in. the breeze blows through the door. a train passes on the track near my home and i wish i were in bed. that sound always helps me feel at home and safe.

5.01.2001

this song makes me happy. it makes think of running down daisy covered hills in slow mo with bubbles floating around and a trip to san francisco.
currently spinning: belle and sebastian: get me away from here
a while ago i wrote a friend a note asking what was up with her avoidance of me for the last couple of months and in reponse i recieved the bitchiest note i've ever read in my life. and i've been stressing about how to confront her b/c frankly no one deserves a letter like that, especially if one is clueless to the error of her ways (me) and the other won't share (her).
but today i had a epiphany...i don't need people like that. like i wrote to johnny, i can love all the men and be annoying and be hypocritical and love who i want to love and be myself freely. i am me. i don't give a flying fuck what others think b/c i'm proud of myself.
part of me still wants revenge but hell, that never works does it? so i'll live.
currently spinning: tortoise: night air