i'm losing the best friend vs. girlfriend fight to someone that hates me. i don't understand. i was there for him first. johnny means a lot to me. i call him and he's never home. i can't even remember the last time i saw him. the show? probably, but he wanted to go to that to see the bands. why do i have to be so nice? sometimes caring isn't enough. i can't explode or i'll make it worse. i feel like i'm shrinking yet the large world i knew before can't keep me. i think about going to school next year as a senior and i see me alone. it fucking sucks that ben and ali aren't at school with me. i always wanted to buy one of those dorky senior ads with my friends. and the problem is that i don't know what i do that pushes people away. i care too much for who they are, maybe seeing something i shouldn't. i'm so fucking chipper all the time, hell i laugh when i cry. and i let people crush me. if i ever choose boyfriend over you important people out there, you have my permission to follow the offense with a swift kick in the butt. highschool has seemed to subtract a lot from me over the years. but certain people and every experience shapes me into a new and improved me*. i just wish he knew how much it hurts. we unleash the tiger together and fight the real world all while kickin' back to at the drive-in. he's johnny. what can i say? i love that boy to pieces. nameless person thought johnny would never choose the girlfriend over me. but, signs point to yes.
*i think i'm on my self-improvement, self-love, self-growth kick. sorry if i sound a little too new age for some folks.
currently spinning: at the drive-in: trans atlantic foe