i feel shitty...maybe if i stop listening to crying music and smash something electronic, i'll feel better.
when i see them i wonder why? and question the life beyond myself in closure. as a kid, i used to create popsicle stick houses. my mom still has one in her office, covered in a thin layer of dust. most of the stuff i made long ago sits in boxes...we stopped collecting once i hit junior high...to the left of me, laying on the desk in solitude, is a blank tape. one hundred and ten minutes of high bias high energy performance cd power quality high-precision rciii cassette mechanism, side a face up. my mind slithers within to fill its' inside with the songs that keep me satisfied. my mother is out of town until sunday. in a way, i think i'm depraved for not even thinking of throwing some cliche highschool party or inviting some boy to take advantage of me. i don't think i'll look back with regret because i'm smart enough to know they wouldn't come for me. there is a boy i watch when i wander to whichever destination it is i am headed towards during the day. i wish he would smile, i don't think i ever have seen it before. how can i fall in love with someone who never smiles in the hall? brown haired boy is just passing me by in life. and i guess i'm not too sad about it. that's the way it is for the majority of the people you see in life.
someone put the blue flannel sheets on my bed, so when i climb inside i feel cozy and soft. and the banjo music makes me happy. i dream about what only happens in dreams. when i wake up without the alarm and the room glows with sunlight, it all begins again.
currently spinning:jimmy eat world: for me this is heaven