in other more positive news:
i ate a yummy corndog and sat atop a train.
the train left a tar mark on my back pocket.
junior senior moved my feet.
and brian went off to see the birth of madeline. she made him an uncle.
i got stuck at home.
i talked to charles about random shit as we sat on the concrete walkway at the opening.


brian's moving away.
and i don't know what to do or how to feel.
sad, yes. lost, a little.
i'm scared.
i want him to stay with me.
but i know.


folding paper into shapes with a picnic in the grass.
i form letters that i color in black and white and color in rainbows with colored pencils.
i can overhear a conversation spoken by someone i used to know.
we still pay the rent. but not even in the same envelope anymore.
ponies and socks pulled up high to mid thigh.
my pony legs are too long.
benny and i had a fabulous soul twin anniversary. popeye's was consumed and sassy non-virgins emerged. and then we got ice cream. yummm.


over my shoulder, the window splits the morning light into a text of light. line by line of white and shadow fitting to the shape it rests upon. i'm a lucky girl. his back raises ever so slightly with every intake of air. soft and warm in the sun. wrinkled bed sheets and a soft sweet face.


kill bill = my new love
i <3 limbs spurting fountains of blood.


listening to jason darling and trying to get all the questions answered. the apartment is deserted and the air conditioner hums in living riim. i don't want to be dressed anymore. he didn't come. colored lights circle the futon. the deadbolt is locked. somehow, i don't feel connected to much anymore. overturned hot pink star sunglasses. i pulled my sleeves down over my goosebumped arms as the gray rumbled overhead. rest in wooden chair turning pages and skimming pictures. i can imagine how it all feels. i like to reach out and touch the pretty fabric and eat by myself near the window so i can watch the town go by. they never look in. peel back tinfoil and come home to a muggy house. the electric bills are so high.


i like to dance shirtless to "money for nothing". if that's not the jam, i don't know what is.
today i saw the kids with ballons tied gently around their small wrists. the balloons bobbed in the wind.


i read some old letters today. and i miss that. i miss what was there. i think about how much i wanted something to happen and how it didn't.
junior high kelly says: i wish life was like the movies.
college kelly says: speaking of the movies, i went to the restroom at the restaurant and there were these four women talking about penis molds, penis pasta, forbidden fruit and dildos. they were forty. and i started crying.


i let the window open b/c it's so hot inside.
i can see across the way into my neighbor's window.
he's laying on the couch, phone up to his ear.
the lights are on.
i don't want to meet your daddy
i just want you in my caddy
i don't want to meet yo mamma
i just want to make you cumma
fuck republicans.
vote for the dance party.
it's all about the hey ya and dancing with drunk people.
nothing is better than dancing for four and half hours.
but nonetheless...
i'm in a bad mood b/c i live at school and think up dumb shit.