11.17.2003

i've been writing a lot to two different people. and both of them are special to me. every word i type is a cathartic release:
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hey sweetie
long time no see.
the stars are out.
my neck is sore.
i won a headbanging contest on friday night. i had to brace myself to keep from falling over. the prize, an inflatable microphone. comes in handy when screaming the words to ace of base in the car. i sing loud and completely out of tune. but it makes me feel good. did you used to rock out as a kid? i know you do now.
today i went to the library to find some books to use in my design project. i found the stero total cd, the new chuck palahniuk (diary:a novel), and almost borrowed madame butterfly. i decided i wasn't ready to get so cultured yet.
waffles are so good. and so is hot cocoa made from real cocoa.
my windows are open and the air drifts in languidly.
ben lee is singing birthday song over the speakers and the house is dark with the exception of my bedside lamp. silouettes of birds and flowers.
if only i could fly.
i like everything to be dimly lit.
i think if i'm quiet for long enough, things start to feel better.
the sheets are rumpled. i still need a new lightbulb for my other lamp.
there's a pile of art against the wall waiting to be hung.
it's quiet and nice.
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the most blathering email? try the best. i read it hunched towards the
computer screen, chin resting in palm and smiling.
my house still smells like gas. i think the pilot light for my heater is
out, which therefore makes the gas leak. i hate this aprtment for the sole
fact that the pilot lights for everything constantly go out. i can't tell
you how many times i've walked in the apartment and it smells like gas. i
just wonder how many of my brain cells are dying right now as i type this.
the smell is actually pretty over powering right now. i'm afraid that if i
light the pilot now, the hosue will blow up. like in fight club. i have the
windows open too, and i'm still slightly nauseous.
i wanted to rent some dvds at the library. but apart from madame butterfly,
there was nothing i wanted. and then i realized i didn't want to be alone
watching an opera. so i passed it up. we should watch a movie together soon.
ever since the bf left, i have a lot more free time which consequently leads to
hours wasted in front of this screen. at least if we were wasting hours
together, it wouldn't be quite as pathetic. haha.
i was in houston visiting brian. we rented gangs in ny. sucked. good story,
but honestly scorsese, you've done better...much better. no museum, but it's
on the list of things to do in the future. ate a lot.
isn't it nice being in touch with your feelings? haha. ben and i once
watched this really cute korean movie about a boy and his grandmother. have
you ever seen my life as a dog? it's a good foreign film. you should check
it out and report back to me. i <3 the wonder years. talk about a heart
tugger. ahaha.
the fact that you've never done anything like painting is entirely the
reason you should.
what does it mean when iu download seven elton john songs?
you so don't even have a hard ass image. you like to think you do, but you
don't.
i guess if we were to examine our personal studies as broader subjects, you
would have more knowledge of mechanics and information and i would be
knowledgeable of expression. yet we both have an understanding of creation
in slightly different ways. i like having the two different sides. it's
almost like one of us is the left side and the other the right. to take it
to quasi-new age levels. we are but one brain when we connect. hahahahahaha.
driving can be very nice. for the longest time, driving for long spanses was
like a time to be alone. i get a lot of thinking done if i'm at the wheel.
or a lot of reading if i'm the passenger. i took a book on tape with me for
the trip. and don't laugh. a garrison keillor book. when i was younger i
used to listen to his stuff when i went to bed. but it's soothing to me. i
like books on tape. hearing the story allows me to swallow every word and
appreciate the random anecdotes.
what would you want to wake up and say at thirty three?
ennui. oh i feel you. the french have a lot of words that make the bad
things seem more dramatic.
you socialize? don't jest!
i didn't think you were underdressed. you always look put together when i
see you. all i cared about was dancing. and i'll call you on it until it
happens.
you must have some gnarly scars. i don't have many, i suppose that means i'm
not living the awesome life.
lately my life (excluding school) has consisted of reading, exploring new
music and the internet. i think i need a new hobby and some new friends. but
finding something good to listen to can be quite a fulfilling activity.
i watched sex and the city all summer, took a math class and went to movies.
the smell in here is overwhelming. i will continue this later...
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i''m glad that i have people that help me recount the day.