12.31.2003

i asm damdson so wishong wishing you a happy nreea new yerar year. please bnebe be happy and loving and full of pretty thoughts and beaugty beauty.
pixxurrz pixxurzz pixxurz and getting drunk at the show on thirtieth avec tyler. i <3 champagne so hard. thus such testimonials as "dudes i am so frybj iu meabn drunbk ad i tgubj tghink you are awesieme" and "dudes i am fdo so frunk i mena drunk and you reule wiu with shampabfe champage".
and i wish that the popos had a better appreciation for the awesomity of music. esp. knife party.
team dracula awesome ruled trivial pursuit.
good things recently:
oeuf olaffen the cat
brekky tacos
skivvies
lone star
being a recluse
glasses that aren't mine
amzing to the maxxiest

12.28.2003

my room smells like stale cigarettes. and the fan is circulating muggy air.
it will take awhile to fall asleep.

12.27.2003

since i've come home for the past couple of days, i've been going through all the random shit my mom threw in boxes after i moved out. here's a poem i wrote when
i was fifteen.
-
i watched the egg
roll through the fridge
and to the floor
where my dog jay
laps it up with his tongue
i don't mind him cleaning up
-
it was entitled lazy. which was and always is a good word to describe me.
a pile of books on the other half of the bed.
and the train going by.

12.25.2003

red bean ice cream and vegetable tempura. i like my sushi with soy sauce and have acquired the skill of picking up a single grain of rice only after dropping countless other items.
warm coffee in the cold outdoors, listening to someone talk from behind an umbrella pole. cars swish by one at a time and quite infrequently.
do you think i'm cute?
smoothies with honey.
many sips of cold water and raspberry peach cobbler with cinnamon ice cream. dim and hushed at the table, a reunion of sorts amidst giggles and broadway smiles.
egon schiele's portrait of gertrude schiele held me in place, stuck to the ground and eyes fixated. golds and browns. the color of warm gingerbread. soft corduroys. falling winter leaves. we have them here.
matisse's woman with a veil. eyes peering out to touch mine reaching in.
picasso, kandinsky, duchamp, dali, klee, rousseau, etc etc.
i'm rarely drawn to someone of the female persuasion, but i so found my girlfriend and realized i've got a type. thin girls with wavy dissheveled hair with clothes that hug their small frames. or maybe that's just how i want to appear. she stood in front of starry night for over twenty minutes.
a man hunches over to jot something in pencil in his small notebook. something about that position is pleasing to the eyes and puts my heart at ease.
i got rad kicks for christmas.
flipping pages of survivor while buried under covers.
i miss holding your hand.
cary grant + grace kelly + audrey hepburn
she woke up before us.
the result: a pile of clothes and books and cds on the floor.
favorite christmas tunes: jackson five:santa claus is coming to town, macy gray:winter wonderland, willie nelson:dashing through the snow, nightmare before xmas: what's this?, the grinch, etc etc.
last night, the candles flickered and we sang all together. i only church at christmas.

12.23.2003

i miss ny.
upon driving up to houston, i encountered a heavy dosage of fog that obscured the sky and sun that hung low so prominently on the eastern horizon. as time marched on (the old cliche) and sky grew lighter, the fog seemed to roll like waves over me as i was below. i greeted some cows near a decrepit old farm. they all lifted their heads to gaze, taking breaks from grazing or headbutting. a very pretty morning.
i wish i had a walk in closet.
we had warm drinks sitting outside in metal chairs.

12.20.2003

flour, butter, sugar not sticking in a bowl. my fingers knead the soft warm sticky dough. smells slightly sweet and like shortbread. flour on the table and my palm growing greasy with every tug and push. they turned out to be tiny christmas trees after a trip to the oven.
one finger on play and the other on pause. the whir and click of a tape cassette a constant for the evening. sprawled on the bed with music strewn about. the stereo is in mono, but the recording is dual.
crunchy anise springerle. cut into little squares of pressed designs.
a loose brown sweater hangs off my shoulders and bunches at my wrists. i feel small in this sweater. it wraps me up revealing pale winter skin and thin blue straps underneath.
late conversations bring smiles to my face.
we performed elevator antics for the crowd yesterday. totally wreck kept our bodies pulsing. i giggled a lot and felt happy to be around everybody.

12.16.2003

despite the fact that i've had this for over a year, it still fucking blows my mind at being awesome on a level i'll never achieve:

why I love the rain

one day when I was going 230 mph on the access road I totally had to take a piss
i got out of my 1969 dodge charger to piss on the side of the road, and kill snakes with my bare hands
as my all powerful piss was forming a canyon i noticed the clouds forming the opening shot to ac dc's back in black video , then suddenly...
sluts came from the sky riding ridiculously phallic bolts of lightning
amidst the radical guitar riffs we call thunder
the vibrations from the thunder ripped my sleeves off and tightened my pants by two sizes
the sluts kept coming, as persistent as the hairspray with built in tease pouring down like rain
and then god said, tommy, sluts rock, and therefore it is totally radical
and then my head exploded

the end

a poem by tommy strong

p.s. i am so going to recite/perform this.
funny face avec audrey hepburn.
lasagna = yummy to the max
staying up till six thirty, sleeping for an hour, waking up and thinking the previous night was all a dream.
so fvcked vp?

12.14.2003

you're awesomer to the maxxiest
xoxo asshole
likewise bitch
let's be honest now...totally wreck was totally awesome on friday. the hijinks, the freezing weather, pole dancing and drunk ass ladies. i played the documentaire (a name i think i created for myself). a train with double stacked cars slacked slowly across the adjacent bridge and light reflected into the rippling water . a kid on a bike circling the crowd. it was loud and the ground was moving from so much dancing. i felt like i was sucking everything up through my eyes.
sequins and champagne. i have been dubbed "the laser". let's break it down now:
madonna
break dancing contest
drunk jewz
sing alongs
and a police officer
so funz. he could hear us on the block over. don't you wish you was coming to our house?
me and bmccool totally made out in the bedroom. why did he have to go?
ben aqua is my friend for life.
when i am dancing, everything else slips away and every thought i have in my head melts into my body. and i feel so high.
i want soft sweaters with barefeet.
studying with you.
blueberry pancakes make me smarter.
funsaver for life.

12.09.2003

what is love? i honestly think i used to know, and perhaps it's a barrage of media, literature and emotion that's causing me to question. i don't want to bastardize the one thing i hold sacred.
the leaves bubbled on concrete. strong wind and moving trees.
i never was on safety patrol.
zombies + love + fire + tits + rock and fuckin' roll + howling at the moon = wild zero
i would totally do guitar wolf.

12.06.2003

yayz. i'm an art star.
yesterday, i bought two member's only jackets. tres cliche, but whatevz. how can i pass up brown leather?
bmccool and i went to see elephant today. shot interestingly, the focus sharp with a low depth of field. added a mysterious and elegant appearence. the sky shots were gorgeous. how detached am i getting? what causes someone to become so apathetic?
the temperature has dropped.
i <3 pheonix and good conversation.
thursday night. performance art. nick et moi. tres fantastique. i like how i made that "french" word up. i think, it could be real. i'll pretend it is. scaling the wall, a screaming mermaid and a declaration of not so independence. prof mikey smith + masturbation = a night never to forget.
oeuf is awesome.
chill after party with good sweet keg beer and a nice warm and smoky smelling fire. cold and assacre. i was delirious from lack of sleep, but oh so happy and relaxed.
secrets rule and so does making someone laugh so hard they spit out beer.

12.04.2003

today (aka yesterday) i saw a pretty bird on the way to school. he had brown and yellow feathers. and he smiled at me.
an airplane frozen in motion.
i am curled up and looking at the ceiling. vertical stripes of wood. morning traffic started up somewhere along the lines. and my sweatshirt hangs loosely over my frame not keeping me warm enough.
sometimes.
nick and i pondered the thought: what could you live without and with what could you not live.
the recreation/additions:
at this point i couldn't live without a blanket and correspondence. i could live without heat and hot water. and highschool kids. though i couldn't live without my witty insults. couldn't function without a pen. oftentimes i get the urge to write something down (poetic observation of random occurences to the name of some band i found in a magazine) and it does quite a number for me to not have something to write with. i need people i can realte to on a "deeper" level. and music. and my camera or a camera. even if i could never have the film developed. i could live without tv and probably the internet, but never without books. and if i had to rid myself of books, i could never live without stories.
my sister's alarm went off.
i wish i were at the apartment.
brian brian brian. let's decorate your christmas tree.
eggnog = yummy.
thanksgiving was delicious. alexander ran around singing songs and there was yummy food. turkey, green beans, corn casserole, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, cranberry jello, green jello, turkey gravy, pumpkin pie and pecan pie. my mother always makes these jello casseroles...delicious.
why am i awake. i could have slept another hour. warm light cast onto moving fingers from the bedside lampt as it tapers into soft shadows.
sun is peeking over the edge of the horizon. the world is tilted at just the angle, rotating slowly around its axis meeting the sun at this moment. dark blue melts into sky.
are you being honest?
i <3 lucky dog.