1.29.2005

the heart is a lonely hunter never gets old and my ears are still ringing from a session of pow wow, etc.
seeing faces that remind me of some time in my life that feels so far away. and i wonder even if the world turned over if things would feel slightly more accomodating. it is strange to feel the need to turn my gaze away quickly and to wonder if they do the same. it doesn't make me sorrowful or longing, but rather uneasy and questioning.
two close faces kiss and i miss your affection. my vision of you is close. with everything blurred as my eyes find some small part of you to focus upon. my fingers resting on your chest, the tiny hairs on your earlobe and your pulse beating through your skin. how can we hold hands now? each time i see two people like us i want you more.
i saw bushes with coffee colored branches and bright red flowers. i liked the absence of green.
my tired pose and bobbing head. i am sore and sleepy and wishing for new shoes. i am tired in a brown sweatshirt and i like my tigers.
tigers and ruffle are two words i like.

1.25.2005

dear grandmother,
i love you.
and i hope you are well where ever you are.
love
your grandchild

1.20.2005

he like the way she said, "shit." she would say it and it would pop off her tongue like a marshmellow and he would eat it and swallow it and it would taste so good. so good in a way a song is so good that it explodes into million pieces and comes down like sequins in your hair. they come into your body and make it wiggle with joy. she wiggled when somehting made her so happy and he liked that, too. she had skinny wrists and sometimes she wished she smoked cigarettes so she could hold something between her fingers. but she didn't because she knew better. and anyway she was twenty and she thought twenty was too old to start smoking. she'd never admit this though. he used to smoke and he would call them cigs and she would call them cigs or ciggies depending on the way it slipped off her tongue. but then he quit and smoked them only when he was drunk. and then he quit all together. and she was proud of him.

1.04.2005

brie on my sandwich. and the gray bookmark pulled between pages.
a flock of pigeons flying gray and white and black on the blue sky and they are dancing with wings outstretched.
purring on my lap.
all the buildings are so close together, tall with brick and the trees out front and their little fingers are black to the sky.
i wore nick's little backpack and on the inside i packed two books, his camera, a ball point pen and my clutch. i like to walk. the sidewalks are dirty with gum and stains and cracks, but i like walking. last night i walked when the sun was going down and i smiled when found you crossing the street to the corner i was standing on. turkish food outside as hipsters strolled by the the cars stop and start b/c the light tells them to.

1.03.2005

two k four is so old news already...the best of said year are as followed:

* nick (duhz)
* the science art love triangle

and a various ass't of other things i actually enjoyed about two k four (taken from a collaborative list by the cc):

* loretta lynn
* scissor sisters
* croatia, paris and cassoulet
* gettin the learn on in vienna
* cinco de mayo
* the surprise party
* stevie's "i believe (when i fall in love)"
* mustang island camp out
* lotr marathon
* assacre shows
* minnesota
* canoeing and the little baby ducky and turtle
* bbqs at miguel's
* the infamous jumpsuit
* the pen tool, helvetica, etc.
* telling cavello off
* architecture
* the "return" of daft punk
* caswell and bruno
* dedicating songs and awesome comps
* karaoke (duhz) and the token queen song
* this american life and car talk mornings (ie falling in love with npr)
* creme brulee and related recipes
* sneaking in to skinny dip
* days at the park
* eyes proclaiming fatherhood to oeuf
* mr sedaris and picka pocketoni
* wilco at acl fest and shins/bright eyes at acl
* middlesex and you shall know our velocity
* welcome to the jungle
* the borrowed projector and the movies that followed
* herbert and oeuf
* riding in planes and visits
* lil mami coming home
* the message about donuts
* getting a bike
* every song currently on the md player
* reading mcsweeneys
* the roadtrip from austin to the nation's capitol
* the papers
* my "secret" crush on john kerry
* movies, movies, movies

we made meatballs last night. and new years was champagne, chocolate, a cigar, and singing to itunes. i walk everywhere in my new shoes and ride the metro with the necessary city nonchalance. it's been cold so we hold hands and read each other sherlock holmes and various other stories and mouthfuls of english breakfast tea with milk and sugar. you know how to make it. pancakes with boysenberry syrup. tapas and omgz the puffy shirt. haha. i <3 u, natural history museum but i realize i am one of millions to enter your doors. i look like the giraffe at the watering hole and nick is the gorilla. in his patterned boxers. coat in the mail. i hope our rings come soon. he left me a message on the puter. i am cold, but i don't want to commit to a shower now. smashed bottles on the ground and socially politically concious graffiti, oh dc. let's discover religion and driving around in cars. five comfort zones and underwear scattered on the floor and drop and anchor. writing cards for everyone. from metal letters to blue embossed text. his handwriting is messy. the blue tile and yellow orange bricks. you've got my pink heart on black letters. i love you. brown with pink flowers and white circles. little tiny paintings. the equations of form and function. i'm all snotty. a heart made by hands. we are inside the photobooth boxes so often, the white frames with you and me and us inside.

in lieu of the new year, a chance for everything to change and get better, here are the bests of the first few days:

* stevie's "for once in my life"
* vhs or beta "night on fire" (o my fucking gz the fucking beats the fucking harmonies)
* reading with nickers

as well as the expected resolutions, i will keep them short and attainable:

* listen to mr. stevie wonder every day (i think this really will affect the quality of my life hah)
* more karaoke
* more reading
* more photography
* more writing
* more noticing
* start thinking with more mental clarity rather than in imagined rubbish (which means ultimately...)
* be a better person to myself and to others