3.29.2002

we all know ben was smart, but did your tiny brain ever realize that he is a story telling mastermind?
Me and Jean-Claude (van Damme) are walking along, and we're in the desert, so it's real hot. So I see this cave, and I'm like "Let's go in there and take a rest." And he's all "Nah, we shouldn't, I'm afraid of the dark." All of a sudden, these ninjas jump out of nowhere, and he's a big pussy and shit, and he screams. I kick the ninjas' asses, one by one, and we leave. I'm all "Let's get outta here." So we leave, and we go into this little restaurant, and he gets a napkin cause he scraped his elbow. I get some root beer and crackers, and we eat and leave. We're walking down the street, and this guy comes up and says, "Hey, I know you." And Jean-Claude is all "Yes, I was great in Sudden Death." And the guy says, "No, you're Ben Redder!" And Jean-Claude starts crying, and runs away. So this guy is Indiana Jones' brother, Iowa. And we start hangin' out, and he teaches me how to use the whip, like Indy, and we start going on adventures. Then he introduces me to his sister, Montana. Montana Jones is one fine piece, I must say. So me and Montana start having adventures, and we look for buried treasure, everyday. But the whole time, Iowa is trying to steal my gold watch.I kicked Iowa's ass, fucked Montana in the ass, the end.
critic's commentary: it's funny cuz it's true! jean claude is a pussy! genius, fuckin' genius. this kid should have a books hidden underneath every american's mattress.