5.29.2002

nobody knows yet.
graduation was a necessary something. not evil nor delightful.
we left behind the empty cups on a short table as feet shuffled off in another direction. the lights outside pierced the dark but our footsteps blended into the flow of traffic and lone man beating on a drum on the other side of the street. stretched out over the fountain of horse and men with water ricocheting of walls and faces in a strong stream of conciousness emitted from underwater suns. i could heard them laugh and mess around as they climbed over obstacles to reach the highest point, to peak out from behind the tallest. content with the stars faded above b/c the lights below were so bright, the glowing orange tower and underwater suns. the sound of water like the sound of silence stayed forever present, louder and softer with the turn of the head.
we passed by a dead dove, frozen in position. his wings rested on his sides that no longer carried forth breath. his feathers ran parallel and streamline gray and black. fragile bird. his head faced the east, the direction of the sun. johnny stuck out his finger and began to pet it. i suck my finger out to touch his feathers. we were silent, the four of us, around the bird.
someone got mad at me last night and hurt my feelings by being mean. i was crying in the dark. but all the mean things were true. true things i never realized. it was draining. draining enough for me to want to be alone for the rest of the day. in contemplation. and as an individual.
calling soft flour tortillas "shells" is an example of how northern my relatives are.
the last two days we spent in san antonio. i noticed the flowing water of the riverwalk and green emerging from the brown of the branches or the thickness of the soil. symmetrical buildings lifting up into the sky with windows and zig zag stairs creeping down the side. water at every meal. fajitas in a room with christmas lights and painted wall.
oh so bright.
oh, how we made sweet sweet love last night. a ha ha. at the end of the night, you smelled like me and i smelled like you. you were embedded in my hair, my arms and my belly.we're sexy individuals but hell, we're sexy together, too. almost overpoweringly sexy.
the windows were open last night. and our bodies were close in newborn feel. buried face in pillow and cheek to cheek. skin slick with sweat. i remember that. how warm and steamy the room seemed with you. and only you. two times the charm though. i laughed afterwards about a proboscas and chicken noodle soup. covered with a blanket and you. we smiled in the dark, held close and basking in the fan. i nuzzled up to you to get a little closer.