8.12.2003

a friend of mine died this past weekend.
he was my age.
and i attended the funeral today.
people were pouring out of seats and into the aisles.
his coffin sat in front of the mourners draped in flowers.
i had trouble concentrating on the sermons and the hymns and the psalms b/c none of it seems real. i can't get the idea out of my head that he is gone, that right now his coffin is buried under the soil and he is gone.
we weren't that close or anything and all i can remember are just weird instances of him storming out of class and playing the lead in sylvia and his face and his boots and that scowl he held so well.
but he's gone.
it's so strange a concept that i have a hard time crying about it.
his mother with a tissue in hand and the sickeningly sad sounds of sobs coming from his close friends.
it's like my heart is pumping air instead of blood.
i used to call him mobs though.
like everybody else who cared.