6.30.2001

i want to say "fuck it" and go out there so badly. b/c i see perfection. and i'm smitten.
i have to do that someday...just disappear out of the blue and show up in a place where people don't really know me. and be free. the more i think about college and the way things are now, the more i want to go out of state. there's a lot holding me back though. to leave all i know, all i've known, behind would take a lot of courage on my part. and it's something i'm working up to. i don't know if i could leave austin and leave ali and ben and johnny, natasha, cristina and my family and the hundreds of things i already have planned out for my life. i don't think i've ever allowed myself to plan on anything else, as if the sky would fall if i didn't get in to ut. i always thought i'd be here in austin and travel like a mother during the summer and every break. sounds cheesy to say, but i want to travel...everywhere. i just need to get out of here and be somewhere new on my own.
currently spinning: beethoven: moonlight sonata