despite the fact that i've had this for over a year, it still fucking blows my mind at being awesome on a level i'll never achieve:

why I love the rain

one day when I was going 230 mph on the access road I totally had to take a piss
i got out of my 1969 dodge charger to piss on the side of the road, and kill snakes with my bare hands
as my all powerful piss was forming a canyon i noticed the clouds forming the opening shot to ac dc's back in black video , then suddenly...
sluts came from the sky riding ridiculously phallic bolts of lightning
amidst the radical guitar riffs we call thunder
the vibrations from the thunder ripped my sleeves off and tightened my pants by two sizes
the sluts kept coming, as persistent as the hairspray with built in tease pouring down like rain
and then god said, tommy, sluts rock, and therefore it is totally radical
and then my head exploded

the end

a poem by tommy strong

p.s. i am so going to recite/perform this.