5.13.2004

dear natalie
i wish you were online.
lub
kelly
last night we all went out for mexican food with tuan and amanda and ordered at least three fish taco plates that i am aware of. then we ended up at this dive bar called the poodle dog lounge where multiple games of pool ensued. tuan bought me a lonestar and told me about how he had long hair in highschool and hated d&d. and i was all like, right on. elana is funny and rick and caren are the pool mastahz.
i am leaving in six days.
jesus.
madre padre mire.
joyce, ben, tuan and i broke that law and wheatpasted all these posters up around town. i glued, they posted. my arms looked diseased and there are glue flakes in my car.
somehow, miguel tricked us into a double date at the rollerskating rink.
i got my first pair of high heels.

things that inspire me:
baby ducks
low light settings
the sun
pink the color
english tea
pizza
cupcakes w/ frosting and sprinkles
folds
the ocean

while cleaning out my room, i kept stumbling upon all these old cards and drawings and random shit. the kittens in a bikini top postcard matt sent me from costa rica, my name grafittied by benji, some shitty mix cd tina made for me in h-school, posters from the dorm, recipes cut out and folded, photobooth pictures for the summer after highschool. it wasn't even nostalgic, it was depressing. i feel stuck in some sort of fucked up game where all my answers are wrong. in a lot of ways i feel totally incapable of maintaining friendships. and i keep thinking that when i get back, everything will have changed. again.

twice within five years.

maybe next year will be different.

on the plus side, i found ten rolls of film in my room. i can at least immerse myself in that task while i'm gone.

i think my sister and i are flipping personas.