6.25.2002

a letter i wrote to a special friend:
i'm sorry it takes me so long to write back. the june sun has drained all of my energy like it drains the water from the soil and the streams. damion and i broke up. it's something new to deal with. i care about that boy a lot and i'll always want to see what he becomes. in the absence of the majority of my friends this summer, i've grown into more of an observer...watching people interact with one another when i am in the shadows as a wallflower. you don't comprehend what it means to find you waiting in my box. i am scared to take the plunge the drop from many feet above the cold and waiting water. i find myself stumbling into new situations and finding what is comfortable. if someone was there...
i signed up for my classes at the university earlier this month. art history three oh three, three dimensional design, drawing one and biology: molecules to microorganisms. i cannot draw. i've never been able to. but i'll concentrate for four hours straight twice a week.
sigur ros is the most beautiful sound that helps me feel happy and content with life. i found the cd in the used section at waterloo waiting for me. when i slip it into the cd player, i slip into a different conciousness. i imagine them to be the sound of wind and love and waves. what music makes you feel beautiful?
when i was growing up, all i listened to was the oldies station. that's probably why i'm such a decent person. why i'm way too romantic for my own good. but at least i'm happy. i danced a lot when i was younger. jumping up on the coffee table to the pointer sisters or the beach boys. my two favorites. don't worry baby just shuffled onto the playlist and i hope everything does work out.
earlier this week, my best friend alison and i persuaded her boss to throw us a party. the outcome, there were five of us. that was the party. i had a shot of vodka with grenadine and triple sec. and i felt nauseous right afterwards. i'm not big on drinking. i had met her boss once and he tried to makeout with me. that's why i get scared.
have you seen y tu mama tambien? i want you to. it is beautiful.
it's not that i don't want to talk to you. it's that i am becoming more and more cautious with whom i love. sometimes i seem to be the one that gets hurt for caring too much.
it was there that i saw you.
have you ever seen me?