last night:
the rocking chair didn't work. it's three. the milk seems hotter on my lips than in my mouth. but i think i burnt my tongue again. the light upstairs creates vague patterns on the adjacent walls. it's not insomnia. just being awake for hours. after first directing body to lay still and commence slower breathing the shuddle that houses mind activity suffers from the deprevation on sleep. it sends electronic pulses. the sweet parts, where the nutrasweet didn't quite mix, congeal in little bits and float on the surface. the milk travels warm from mouth to belly. i want my heart to slow down. wishing to sleep on nights like this is like wishing for death when the heart sees no light. and it's back upstairs to sheets to blankets to running humming fan w/ a prayer that i will not hear it much longer.